Today? Not so much thank you. Not high on my list of banner days. Not a spectacular bust like one that went down in high-drama flames in April; no, just regular grade suck-ass. If there was a red light, I was stopped at it. An answer to a question? “No” is all I heard. Yeah, eff off Monday.
I called in for reinforcements at the end of my work day, summoning a few friends who are really good pep-talkers, but also not afraid if I need to really scream out the bile. They don’t spook easily and know that I just need to spew and say some truly awful things, and then I will find my way back to the clarity especially with the help of their good words. I was on the phone with one such friend, now listening to her (post-rant) while also getting ready for my run when I decided to reach into my pouch of Angel Cards to see what other wise counsel they could add. Angel Cards, for those who don’t know, are little cards with words and and angel icon that help you focus on a meditation or feel inspired or just take you into the present moment by giving you something to do other than feel crazy. My mom and I have always had them around and since I was a teenager she will take the pouch out of her purse while we are (usually) at lunch and we pick them like fortunes. They’re fun and sweet. And sometimes VERY prophetic.
I told my friend that I was going to pick some cards and she of course got excited knowing exactly what they are and that they are fun and sweet. I am sure my mom has also made her pick cards with her at some lunch date too. It is my habit to pick three: I put my hand in the pouch, mixing and moving them, then remove them one at a time, stopping briefly to acknowledge each one’s message, then to look at them as a whole little theme. Here is what I picked:
Patience
(it should go without saying that my friend busted out laughing and reminded me that she had just said, “you have to remember you are in the home stretch! You have to be patient!” I also have a lifelong, constant war with my lack of patience in addition to flare-ups over circumstances related to daily life.)
Spontaneity
(hmmm, this one was very interesting… we had a good giggle about it.)
Freedom
(yes please.)
She made sure I was backed away from the ledge and then I harnessed up the dogs and put on extra layers since it feels like March not August and off I went on my run with the mantra of “patience, spontaneity, freedom” ruminating in my brain. After a warm-up run down the hill and out of traffic, I switched on my iPod and what song played first you ask?
“The Waiting” by Tom Petty. If you’re having trouble remembering the lyrics, here’s one juicy line:
“…the waiting is the hardest part.”
I busted out laughing and took off fast. Those Angel Cards were way more than fun and sweet tonight.
It was a short run since I started late, but I was fast since I was so keyed up emotionally. Lots of thoughts about my shitty day and my long list of to-dos and plans and hopes and dreams and on and on rolled around, but I was calm and strong and yes, even a little patient with myself. In the last climb up the hill, I also remembered the date and that today marked 60 days from the start of the Tough Mudder. Ooh fun, the next Run-Write Challenge all of the sudden is real.
The last song to come on also made me smile and even feel free, especially as I could feel myself dancing up the 52 steps. Daft Punk “One More Time” started blaring.
“One more time, we’re gonna celebrate
Oh yeah alright
Don’t stop the dancin’…”
Clearly I need to do a little spontaneous dancing sometime very soon…
