Day 26: Blues, A Day Late

Often, I get a case of the Sunday night blues.  It kind of comes on early in the evening, before dinner, but after any Sunday outings.  There is a space to transition from the weekend back to the work week that requires a mental shift and when I feel that my weekend has not been long enough or productive enough, or was so delightful I don’t want it to end, the blues creep in.  It mostly slows me down, makes me a little petulant, so I might procrastinate about making my lunch for Monday, or folding that last bit of laundry, or acknowledge that time is moving forward and I am powerless to stop it, except for stewing in the blues.  Blues are always slow.  Funny how that happens… that suffering, no matter how insipid, moves like a sloth.  Tonight is Monday.  And I have a touch of the blues.

I only did a three mile run tonight, but added in some step-ups at one of the benches along the path, ran flat out for speed for about 800 yards and ran up the last hill which is about 2/10ths of a mile.  Tonight I focused on it being about 1000% harder to run in the dark, but I think that was mostly because my early-onset PMS drained all my patience, and with it all my energy to pace myself.  I got home, watched the Broncos flameout in the 4th quarter while doing some crunches, and ate most of a carmel and Oreo dipped apple for dinner, a known blues cure.

Many many thoughts were swirling tonight and I have been taking lots of notes about ideas or images as they pop into my head so I can write about them during the month.  But for whatever reason, I have been petulant, and wandering around, and shedding a few tears, and not getting any of these good ideas fleshed out enough to post tonight.  Is this what it is like if you are a real writer?  Or is this the pressure I am putting on myself, and the writing, much like the run was in the dark.

The lesson of patience, which I am realizing is so deeply connected to faith, is skulking around waiting to be noticed.

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One thought on “Day 26: Blues, A Day Late

  1. DeAnne-

    I find that when you are pressured to be creative, the most important step is just showing up at the canvas or page. The universe sends the creativity through you, your job is JUST to show up. You have to let go of the expectation and just roll with whatever comes. Don’t judge its quality. What you wrote here is exactly what was meant to be written. That’s the beauty of creation.
    November 10, 2009 at 6:45am

    Katrina-

    I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Writing is rewriting.” It is true.

    Potter’s need clay. Painter’s need paint. Writer’s need words. So, first, you must stand before the blank page and vomit words onto the page. Those words are a lump of clay on a potter’s wheel, waiting to be shaped.

    You’ve done it a million times before: the love letters, the résumés, the poetry magnets on the refrigerator door! While most stop short, the writer shapes what becomes “Ulysses”, “Catcher in the Rye”, “The Grapes of Wrath”, “The Great Gatsby”.

    Though vastly different works, they all began with the first word on the first page, written and rewritten, again and again until…

    The End.

    But, first, to BEGIN!!!!
    November 10, 2009 at 7:51am

    J-

    De, I feel absolved hearing this from you. Blank canvas or blank page can be daunting, so I am going back to my gut which was to have faith and be patient AND add in the lack of judgment of self. That shitty energy is clearly best spent re-writing, thank you Kat, for that wise reminder. I have pushed my creative energies and desires to the background for so long they feel puny and neglected, much like my body did before I started running (um, eureka?!). I can’t discount the wavering hormones, but I can certainly work with and around them. Thank you both for this invaluable support and input!
    November 10, 2009 at 8:23am

    Kimberly-

    Justine, just wanted to let you know that there are people who haven’t seen you in 20+ years (and who didn’t know you all that well even back then) who are reading what you’re writing and identifying with what you’re brave enough to express. At least one person, I can assure you. ;) To me, that’s a real writer.
    November 10, 2009 at 8:27am

    Justine-

    KB, thank you and a big grin too :-D Let me continue to shell out the gratitude for friends old, new and in between for taking the time to read this little project, and this time specifically to you. Reading your blog is one of the reasons I felt empowered to go for this, and I consider you a writer of excellent style and wit. And yes, paint that house green ;-)
    November 10, 2009 at 8:41am

    Aimee-

    ditto to all of the above…i too have had the sunday blues…ever since i was in elementary school – way too early to have the blues at all as far as i am concerned! so i feel you on that note. as for the judgment, judge this: you are a bad ass, amazing writer, open and honest, thoughtful and true. i agree w/ deanne, all you have to do is show up and YOU DO…every day in every way. work it girl! xoxo
    November 10, 2009 at 9:19am

    Justine-

    OMG! so happy to know about your Sunday blues, AR!! I have had mine my entire life too. I only know of a few who are afflicted. it is an interesting process…
    November 10, 2009 at 9:28am

    Kimberly-

    My jaw is on the floor. Thank you. Seriously.
    November 10, 2009 at 10:07am

    Carolina-

    have HATED Sundays since i was a small child, and still do. my blues always start at around 3p. i actually don’t even really enjoy Sunday fun activities because Monday looms so heavily. i think there is a legion of Sunday Blues-ers out there.
    November 10, 2009 at 1:43pm

    Justine-

    KB, see how that works? ;-)

    Echeve, don’t know how I forgot you were a Sunday Blueser too. damn them.
    November 10, 2009 at 6:38pm

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