Last night, I got home early, compliments of a raging headache and my boss being on a plane. Of course, this did not mean that I sat down to relax, not with this training schedule and the quick darkness, and the fact that the battery died AGAIN in my car key remote and I had to jet over to the dealer to get it replaced.
Just pause on that for a moment, the car key remote, because I defy any of you who have one to go more than a few days without getting it fixed and maintain the hustle and flow of your in and out of the car routine, nay the flow of your entire life. Think of all the things you’re juggling, from the tangible to your inner monologues, and how automatically you get in and out of the car, where you put your purse your coffee your phone your kids your groceries your dogs your drycleaning your brain, and then three blocks away you say, “Shit, did I lock the car?” Yes, yes you did, because it is so ingrained that you click that remote and the alarm arms with a beep, and off you go, until the day that the remote stops working and there is no beep and you just got sand thrown in your face trying to figure out why you just stalled in your tracks and you have to walk over to the driver side, balancing purses/coffee/phones/kids/packages/and god forbid a dog, and LOCK your car manually, now you can feel my pain of why I had to take care of the battery errand yesterday in the middle of the raging headache.
Although there was great relief that I got this very simple task accomplished and the payoff was immediate and dare I say glorious, I found myself with that dull irritation that I have to do every god damned thing myself, even if it is asking for help from a family member or friend or hired gun to do another chore. And I am not shy about asking!!! Even though I was with a <insert your personal Mad Libs adjective/adverb of him here> man for seven years who was physically absent more than half the time and in a terrible mood the other, boy, I really liked knowing that someone could be called upon to switch the batteries in my car key. That my friends, is foreplay.
Getting stuff done on my own notwithstanding, this year has been particularly overwhelming on pretty much every level of my life, hobbled car key remotes just a mosquito bite. Somehow the running provides an objective and genuine process by which I can measure desire, and then actually get a result based on what I do, or do not. Run a half marathon in less than 2:20? Done, train harder. I so wish this applied in every area of my life, and in all of our lives. It seems that we don’t take risks, or ask the questions, or listen for the answers because we over-think our way out of it instead of keeping it simple and staying in the present. When I run, I get immediate feedback, and when I keep running, I get stronger. There is still very much work to do on my own crazy over-thinking and noisy brain, but now I know I will make it, even with the holidays staring me in the face, I will make it. 2010, you will be a sight for sore eyes.
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