On Saturday night I wore heels to the annual Pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving party (aka PreTT) which became the topic of some conversation. My friends wanted to know, why heels to a fairly mellow house party? Especially to PreTT where we’d be so soused on Whisky Sours, four inch heels become a physical hazard. (They are hard enough to navigate down my 52 steps and on the hills of Sausalito while sober, so there was some cause for concern.) But the real reason, as I suspected, always has to do with my height. Why would a woman of 5’9″ make herself to be over 6′ tall? Doesn’t she know that is, get ready for it… INTIMIDATING???
This is one of those assessments others have told me about me to my face for my entire life. Um, I’d say that is the thing that is actually intimidating. When a word like this gets thrown around to the point it starts to sound like gibberish, I like to rely on good old denotative meanings. Dictionary.com tells me that this verb means to make timid, or to fill with fear. Really? I fill you with fear? I may give off some kind of intensity that people are trying to process, but certainly I am not filling others with actual fear. Cruella DeVil is intimidating, not moi!
I actually think I suffer from the opposite issue which is being too nice, or too accommodating which has caused me much head and heartache in the past. And I can be squirmingly insecure on the inside, but I got my earnest back a few years ago, so that helps turn the volume down on those pesky voices. I was of course thinking about this on my run tonight trying to make some connection about this misperception of me, but I cut it short and the clarity did not arrive yet. Longer run tomorrow perhaps.
Surely my beautiful shoes are not to blame.
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