Day 23: Rage Drain

Writing while pissed off is dangerous.  Well, to be clear, blog writing while pissed off is the actual 500 pound Daisy Cutter.  I am all for raging, ranting, non-sensical, ill-conceived, poorly spelled, nearly illegible, pukey, hideous, vulgar, disgusting, mean, wallowing  journal entries, but there definitely needs to be an emotion censor on anything that has a live “publish” button next to it.  This goes for Facebook status updates and tweets too (I am talking to you Courtney Love).  I have many pages of years of journals devoted to my own emotional dysentery, and while I don’t often look back at them, it can be instructive to read my own pain and offer up comfort again for those moments of sadness or worry.  I do however have to remind myself to also write in the journal when I am somewhere between content and elated, as it is my intention to have them for posterity and would like to know that I was a mostly happy, sane person.  And of course so that I can then properly disclose or dispose of them.

Blog writing while in the throes of anger is inappropriate because no one should have to be subjected to my darkest globs of thought.  This is different than actively and articulately expressing rage in written form.  By taking the time to select each word, craft each sentence, imagine the confrontation, and leave not one bit of anger on the table is a healing process unlike any other.  The cherry of course is to have the chance to then have a conversation about your word-feelings with the object of contention, if there is one.  (There usually is.)  But if I just start posting open rants to the Universe on a live website, well then I deserve to sit in the corner in a dunce cap.  It is not wise to show unbridled anger that can be copied and pasted and emailed into threads of non-deletable judgment.

Full disclosure: tonight after my run I was incensed!  Perturbed!  Gnashing my teeth!  En-f’ing-raged!  For no discernible reason!! I usually come inside and jot down the words and images and feelings that came up over the miles and then come back to it and create the post.  Tonight I started jotting and pretty soon, I was spewing ink fury over several pages of my note pad.  I immediately knew that everything that came out would not ever be seeing the light of anyone’s monitors.  And also, I would seem like a TMI lunatic.  But the act of getting it out worked its magic and I began to calm down.  I never remembered the train of thought I had been on in the one millisecond of clarity I had on the run, but to have had the grace to vent before sharing, well that is good enough for me tonight.  Just like icing my knee, I took down the inflammation of emotions and problems, and calmly, maturely, hit “publish.”

One thought on “Day 23: Rage Drain

  1. Ha Ha!! I was thinking about that, and yeah I guess I don’t tell everything. Sometimes my post will be a swear word tirade, but a lot of the stuff I leave to myself.

    Hope today is better. :)

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