There has been a bottleneck of unposted writings here at sugarleg HQ, one that only compares to the glut of emails in my work inbox. Not that this is any excuse for not writing, but it is linked and as one of my ongoing personal projects is to be nicer to myself, I am going to resist what has become a reflexive self-takedown and instead, (although infinitely harder to do) just let it be okay that I have not posted regularly for months. I will ruminate further on why I need to write regularly, mostly because I love to do it, and it always makes me feel better to hit “publish” and then I will just get it together and write.
An easy way to get myself back on the writing wagon is to refer to my Life List, and see if there are any progress reports I can share on these projects and wishes. Sure enough, #20, Get Back In The Christmas Spirit is timely and has hit some benchmarks! After many years of less than enjoyable Christmases, I knew I would have to make a conscious choice to participate in the festivities of the season, even though I do get a wicked giggle out of the contrary grinchiness that is so close to the surface for so many. More seriously however, is a deep sadness that many of us do experience and for reasons only those who have felt it will understand, I am unwilling to dismiss entirely. I wrote about that sadness with particular clarity two years ago and when I re-read it on Friday it made me both smile and tear up.
So, it makes me happy to report the following heart-size growing merriments the past two weeks (with accompanying slideshow!):
I got a tiny tree that fit in the back seat of my car, and holds about one-third the ornaments I own.
I went to several Christmas parties and instead of ducking out early without saying goodbye, I ate, drank, danced, laughed, hugged, danced, smooched, recovered from hangovers, sore feet and lack of sleep and then did it all again.
I exchanged gifts and still will not ever understand the nuanced strategies of gift stealing.
I ate Christmas cookies for breakfast.
I put jingle bell collars on the dogs whenever we go for walks.
I got my nails painted bright red and my toes greenie-gold.
But, the biggest Return to Christmas Spirit has to be that I am going home to New Mexico for the first time in I think close to 15 years. And although I am a little nervous about any unforeseen emotional land mines, I am so excited to be in my hometown, with my mom and many wonderful old friends who love me just the way I am because I often forget, they see me the way I need to remember to see myself: happy and capable and fun and deserving of all their love, attention and affection. Welcome Christmas, bring your light!