Getting There Means Being Here

Going home on Friday.

On most Fridays, I post a cheeky status update on FB welcoming the weekend with wonder and flirtation. It’s as much fun as it has become routine; if I don’t post one of these winking welcomes, friends either write a note on my Timeline announcing their own Friday excitements, or they text me directly, worried that I might be stuck under something heavy. (Hopefully a hot guy! <rrrrrim shot!>)

I work my ass off at a job I absolutely love, but even still, weekends are necessary to rest and recharge, mostly in the company of family and friends. I’d say that I manage to do this about 37% of the time, which if I were grading that, well, that’s kind of an F-minus. I am not AT ALL lacking for wonderful friends or family to spend at least another 53% of that time with (a girl does need some time for meditation and beauty treatments), but I have been lacking in certain basic resources… of which I am trying to figure out just how to explain here, and in so doing feel less tortured and frustrated by their constraints.

The rub is, when you isolate yourself for whatever the reason, you miss out on the very thing you need to help you rest and recharge: connection with humans who love you. It’s been a fairly erratic summer for me on this front, and especially even harder without my running to keep me sane and fit. About two weekends ago, after countless  2-day stretches seemingly tied together only with near constant rewatches of Pitch Perfect, (which although a super fun movie, is not compelling enough to watch so close together, I mean it’s no Clueless) I realized I was teetering and couldn’t seek refuge in the bottom of my very old TV and 500 channels much longer.

I’m feeling… cryptic… and that’s 100% intentional (A-plus!). Mostly because I am in the middle of the process of reaching out to my people, and attempting to share my tender spots without emotional drama, but also, to get the encouragement and connection I need from them to get to the place to use my writing to tell the stories of WHY I find myself having to spend so much time alone.

So Friday, you handsome devil you, I will still continue to flirt with you. And since you’ve been so patient with me, I will likely put out – SOME WRITING! (sheesh, don’t be all handsy) – very, very soon. I have trust issues, but I am so worth the wait.

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8 thoughts on “Getting There Means Being Here

  1. I agree — it’s worth whatever wait it needs. Though I suspect that once you reach that point of being “ready,” it will be incredibly positive. xo

    • I am DEFINITELY there, and am so so so READY. it’s not as positive as I thought it would feel, but that is the impatience I think, not the shift of feeling from apathy to potential. the thing with this particular desire, is that it cannot be actioned into being. I basically have made everything I wanted to happen (jobs, friendmaking, moving, etc.) happen, through sheer force of taskmastering and networking. that simply cannot be done with “getting” your person. more to write about here, and I will, but the big news is, I am ready for the right one to show the f–k up already!! xoxo

  2. i always love humor with introspection, self awareness, self exploration (get your mind out of the gutter), self acceptance and all the other appropriate selfs. so i give this post an A+. love you, love your writing. xoxo

    • takes a gutter mind to know a gutter mind my friend ;-) and THANK you for high marks and the unwavering support and cheer. it keeps me giving you good words to enjoy xoxo

  3. I’m reading this on a Friday, funny enough. I too, love your words and humor and honesty. And between us girls, I feel you on the introspective need for alone time, “The rub is, when you isolate yourself for whatever the reason, you miss out on the very thing you need to help you rest and recharge: connection with humans who love you.” <– yes, yes, yes. Problem is coming out of hiding enough to do so. I'm with you right now on the tender spots. xox

    • means SO much to be understood, thank you Peach :-) and hopefully, you will learn sooner than I did how to reduce the muddled or anxious times. xoxo

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