Grateful, 2014 Edition

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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

And I mean ev-er-y-onnnne!!

I have arrived at the place in my life where it is reflexive for me to be grateful for the people who love me unconditionally, and I can access the words to tell them, and the actions to show them how much I appreciate their presence in my life. It takes years of practice to get to this place, because deepened gratitude requires constant reflection and action, and a lot of times examining your thoughts and actions feels shitty because you realize you didn’t do your best. You also realize that you can’t and won’t be in sync with everyone you care about all the time, but that is the space you fill with your gratitude.

I have also learned to be grateful for the antagonists in my life, from people with whom I don’t agree on Facebook, all the way to the plainly hostile. These are the folks who teach me the most about my character. How I react to their provocations is under my total control, perhaps the only real control any of us have at anything. So for those lessons, I am grateful.

As years go, it has been a good year. My second of two beloved dogs died, I failed myself and a deeply respected partner at work, I didn’t save any money, and I had hip surgery. None of these things broke me and I was well supported and doted upon through each. They still visit me in quiet times as shards of torment and frustration, scraping away at my confidence, leaving me raw and confused. But another thing happened this year.

I fell in love.

And someone fell in love with me.

The great power of love is still far beyond my understanding to put into actual words, and I strongly resist trying for fear of sounding like a bad greeting card. But I am in love and feel loved, and am intensely committed to showing him how grateful I am for his presence in my life today, and every day always.

Again, Happy Thanksgiving everyone. May your time with family and friends be warm and tender, just like your turkey.

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